| A
man comes home to find his wife packing her
bags. "Where are you going?" demands
the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I
found out that there are men that will pay me
$500 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment,
and then began packing HIS bags. "What
do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want
to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!" |
|
Dear
John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off
our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget?
Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool
- nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love, Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's
lottery. |
|
| He
never answered any questions but his homework
was always quite excellent. If any one said
anything to him he would simply no d, or shake
his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided
to do something to give him confidence. "Tommy,"
said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith
$5 I can get you to say three words. You can
have half." Tommy looked at her slyly and
said, "You lose." |
|
| Two
dog owners were bragging about the intelligence
of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever
had," said one, "was a Great Dane
that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker,
but I had him put to sleep." "You
had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that?
A dog like that would be worth a million dollars."
"Had to," he replied, "Caught
him using marked cards!" |
|
A
doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the
line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said
the friend. "I'll be right over,"
whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his
coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the
doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three
doctors there already!" |
|
| A
regular Friday night poker game was still going
strong well after midnight when one of the players
returned from bathroom with an urgent report.
"Roger, listen," he told the host,
"Walter's in the kitchen making love to
your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys,"
Roger said. "This is positively the last
deal." |
|
| The
man says, "Will you buy booze?" The
bum says, "No." The man says, "Will
you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No."
So the man says, "Will you come home with
me so my wife can see what happens to a man
who doesn't drink or gamble?" |
|
| A
man rushes into his house and yells to his wife,
"Martha, pack up your things. I just won
the California lottery!" Martha replies,
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so
long as you're out of the house by noon!" |
|
| There's
the touching story of the young man who said
to his girlfriend, "I bet you wouldn't
marry me." The story goes that she not
only called his bet but she raised him five! |
|
| Lottery:
A tax on people who are bad at math. |
|
| Never
do card tricks for the group you play poker
with. |
